Things took a turn for the worse again towards the middle of March. At the end of March, my boyfriend of 4+ years and I broke up. Needless to say, the anxiety and depression that followed greatly exacerbated my symptoms and by the end of April, it was obvious I was not going to be returning to work and after discussing things with my neurologist, therapist, psychiatrist, and my counselor at the Mass Rehabilitation Commission, I decided it was time to file for SSDI.
I am still experiencing daily headaches, severe migraines lasting 4-72 hours 3-5 days per week, constant vertigo, constant visual snow and visual obscurations, severe depression and anxiety. I am not able to much of anything. I am waiting on my SSDI decision. Hopefully I will get that soon and with a little financial stability, I can begin to put the pieces of the life I have lost over the past year back together. I can't help but feel a great sense of loss. Tomorrow makes a year since I first got sick. The week before I got sick was an amazing week. The 6 months before that were great. I had an amazing job at a great company, I was with the person I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with, I was making awesome art and the future looked bright. Today, I have none of that. I have no idea what the future holds. I do have one thing that I had a year ago, I have myself. I might not be the same self that I was a year ago, but I've survived up until now and I've survived some pretty terrible things, even though it doesn't feel like it, I can and will survive this. I just have to keep reminding myself of that and take it one day at a time and remember to breathe.
I am still experiencing daily headaches, severe migraines lasting 4-72 hours 3-5 days per week, constant vertigo, constant visual snow and visual obscurations, severe depression and anxiety. I am not able to much of anything. I am waiting on my SSDI decision. Hopefully I will get that soon and with a little financial stability, I can begin to put the pieces of the life I have lost over the past year back together. I can't help but feel a great sense of loss. Tomorrow makes a year since I first got sick. The week before I got sick was an amazing week. The 6 months before that were great. I had an amazing job at a great company, I was with the person I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with, I was making awesome art and the future looked bright. Today, I have none of that. I have no idea what the future holds. I do have one thing that I had a year ago, I have myself. I might not be the same self that I was a year ago, but I've survived up until now and I've survived some pretty terrible things, even though it doesn't feel like it, I can and will survive this. I just have to keep reminding myself of that and take it one day at a time and remember to breathe.